Your Child & Supporting their Social Emotional Skills

Building Resiliency

Children need the support from those around them to be able to develop the skills and abilities that will help them solve problems, cope with big emotions, and handle life’s challenges. These skills help a child develop their confidence, social and emotional wellbeing, and their resilience.

Resilience is our ability to bounce back from any challenge and it is something that we can work on and strengthen throughout our lifetime.

There are many things that could impact anyone’s resilience like:

• Genetics
• Temperament *
• Sleeping and eating patterns
• Overall health
• The parent/caregiver- child relationship
• Feeling a sense of control in your life
• Having chances to try new things
• Have self-regulation and emotional skills
• Having a sense of hope, faith, or cultural traditions.

Temperament means the way a child experiences and interacts with the world and the people around them. Everyone is born with a unique temperament. It impacts things like:

How strongly we feel our emotions
How strongly touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound affects us
How active we are
How easily we adjust to change
How easily we keep trying even if things are difficult

Resilience is important to anyone. People who have high resilience are known to have better relationships, do better in school, and are less likely to feel anxious or depressed.

Stress & Your Child

Stress is something we all experience, but did you know stress could shape your child’s brain development? Stress is anything that puts a strain on your body by increasing hormone levels and your heart rate. Stress can be caused by something physical (hot or cold temperatures, pain, or illness) or it can be emotional (anything our body registers as negative or threatening).

There are three forms of stress a child can experience that we will talk about. One form of stress is called positive stress. This is normal everyday stress that is brief and short lived. Examples include meeting a new person, trying something new, or taking a test! This stress usually only lasts a short time and it’s a type of stress that you can help your child through. This can be done through encouraging them to try new things, encouraging them to keep trying if they fail, comforting them when they are upset, and creating a safe space for them.

Tolerable stress is a stress that is more serious, but it is still temporary. This could be caused through something like the death of a loved on, a natural disaster, or a frightening injury. This type of stress can affect your child’s brain development and their other organs if they don’t get support. Support from you and other important people in their lives can help decrease this and teach them that there is someone who loves and cares for them and that they are safe.

Toxic stress is when a child experiences stress for a long period of time without the love and support of parents and caregivers. Toxic stress can be in the form of abuse or neglect, so it is not something that happens often to EVERY child, but it is something a child can experience. Toxic stress can damage a child’s brain development as well as their other organs, which in time can lead to problems with their physical or mental health. Some toxic stress can be fixed later with support and treatment, but if we can, it is much better to avoid toxic stress all together.

When parents and caregivers cope well with everyday stress by doing things like staying calm and problem solving, children are able to see what this looks like and be able to try it for their own stressful situations. This is why modeling our behaviors can be so important to our kids. If you feel that you are struggling with managing stress for yourself or your family, there are programs available. You can always talk to your healthcare provider or call Health Link at 811.

Emotional Skills

Part of growing up is learning to manage their feelings in a positive way. Kids feel all the same feelings we do, but emotions can be overwhelming for them. At this point they may not have the words to express how they are feeling, so instead they may show how they are feeling with their bodies (i.e. temper tantrums, hitting, biting, throwing things). It takes time and practice to know how to manage big feelings.

It’s important to remember that all feelings, even the ones that are uncomfortable, are okay to feel. It’s how we act when we feel these emotions that can cause problems. If your child is having a strong emotional reaction and if you begin to have strong feelings of frustration or anger, take a brief time out. Step back and count to 10 or take some deep breaths. It’s important to remember that we are modeling how to cope with these emotions to our child.

Tips to help your child with emotional skills:

• Look after yourself: make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating, and are active throughout the day. This can help you feel more prepared to deal with their big emotions
• Name emotions: Help your child name their feelings when you see it begin to come up, “You look like you’re happy because....” be sure to describe why you think they might be feeling that way to help them learn the emotion and what could be causing it
• Model and talk about feelings: they way you talk about your feelings and how you handle them, teach your child about their own feelings. It also helps them understand how to look at what another person is feeling.
• Accept ALL feelings and emotions: it’s important to remember there are no “bad” emotions. Emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and frustration teach us something important about what is happening in our world. What matters is how we react to their emotions. Help your child by normalizing their emotions (it’s okay to feel...) and show them what they can do when they feel like that (when I am ___ I sometimes....).
• While we are teaching them what to do, it’s important to remember how we phrase this. Always ask your child for what you want to see, rather then what you don’t want. I.e. “Walk please” vs. “Don’t run” or “Use a quiet voice” vs. “Don’t yell”.
• Offer options: We know you can’t always give your kids what they want, especially when there is an issue of safety involved or you have set limits. If your child is upset, remember to teach them that there are always other options. I.e. “I can see you’re upset that we can’t watch anymore TV, but we can read a book or play outside if you want?”. If their choice is to sit and cry, honour that choice and offer support when you feel appropriate or when they come to you.

Feeling thermometers can give your child a way to visualize what they feel in their body. You can make it your own and can use less colours, but we always recommend at least having these three colours:

·      Green: Good

·      Yellow: Feeling a bit different. Caution

·      Red: Danger zone

Dealing with fears/anxiety

It’s normal for our little ones to have fears of certain things. Even if to you their fear seems a little silly, remember that it is very real for them. Trying to convince your child that there is nothing to worry about usually ends up making your child feel more upset. Instead you can:

•  Name the fear to make sure you understand and they understand what they are afraid of. Not sure? Ask
• Offer reassurance and comfort “I know you’re scared of going into that room, but I can tell you it’s safe. How about we walk in together?”
• Take it one step at a time. If your child frequently experiences distress due to their fear, break the steps down for them and allow them to try one step at a time. Follow their lead and remind them that you are here, they are safe, and they can tell you when too much is too much. This can be done in one day or over time depending on your child I.e. afraid of a neighborhood dog

             o   Walk by the dog on the other side of the street.
             o   Walk by the dog on the same side of the street.
             o   Stop by the dog but still from a distance.
             o   Let the dog smell you
             o   Pet the dog
             o   Give the dog a treat

• If the problem continues and seems to be affecting their day to day functioning talk to a health professional for more support.

At the end of the day your job is to do the best that you can during these times. No one is perfect and no one would have ever expected that they would have to go through something like this. So don't stress too much if mistakes are made. As long as your child knows they are loved and you are doing everything you can to keep them safe, they will be okay. Children are amazingly resilient, especially when they have those supports in place. Below are some additional resources you can use to learn more!

Resources to Support Your Child During a Pandemic

Talking to your child about COVID-19: CDC website here  

Kids health: How to talk to your child or About corona virus for kids

·      Information and tips on how to respond to the virus, written for a young audience

·      Provides information on how to prevent contracting or passing on germs to protect oneself and their family

PBS Kids: How you and your kids can de-stress by PBS

·      Activities you can teach and do with your child to help reduce their stress levels.

Child Mind Institute: Talking to your kids about COVID-19

·      Includes a short video by Dr. Jamie Howard (Director, Trauma and Resilience Service, Child Mind Institute) on how to have conversations with children about the coronavirus and its impact

·      Emphasizes the importance of being open and available for children to ask questions

·      Highlights the value of keeping a routine and consistency during times of change and schedule disruptions (e.g., school closures)

A comic exploring the new coronavirus: Comic here

·      The website link includes a short 3-minute audio clip that explains (to children and youth) what the virus is and preventative measures we can take to stay healthy

 Zero to Three:

Answering your child's questions about COVID-19

·      Looking at answering your child’s possible questions about the impact of the virus like why can’t we go visit ___?

Tips for families

Additional resources including some relevant Sesame Street Resources that can be used to engage your child in a conversation around their health like washing hands!

Big Life Journal- 5 Essential Steps to Helping Children Cope with Stress: click here

Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University- Toxic Stress: click here.

Fun Thrifty Mom- 7 ways to teach kids empathy (graphic): click here.

GoZen!- 8 ways Anxiety shows up as something else: click here.

Kidshealth.org-Childhood Stress: click here.

Sunshine Parenting- 5 Steps to help your child resolve conflict: click here.

Very Well Family- 15 coping skills for kids (Graphic): click here.