Boundaries - What Are They?
Boundaries are our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth and that we will not let ourselves be defined by other people. Personal Boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits, rules or guidelines we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used or violated by others. Personal boundaries establish self-worth, self-respect and do not allow others to define us. To set personal boundaries means to preserve your integrity, take responsibility for who you are and to take control of your life.
"The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘No’ to almost everything. ― Warren Buffett
There are usually three varying degrees of personal boundaries:
- Avoid intimacy and relationships
- Unlikely to ask for help
- Has few close relationships
- Very protective of personal information
- Seem detached even to loved ones
- Keeps other at a distance to avoid rejection
Porous Boundaries
- Overshare personal information
- Difficulty saying "no" to the requests of others
- Over involved with other's problems
- Dependent on the opinion of others
- Accepting of abuse or disrespect
- Fears rejection if they do not comply with others
Healthy Boundaries
- Values own opinions
- Does not compromise values for others
- Shares personal information appropriately
- Knows personal wants/needs and communicates them
- Accepting when others say "no" to them
Most people have a mix of boundary types - for example, they may have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries with their family and rigid boundaries with their significant other! One size does not fit all, and boundaries are definitely dependent on setting, relationship and sometimes even culture! What's important is to recognize what you want out of those boundaries you are trying to make. There are so many areas to implement boundaries: material things, physical boundaries (your space), mental boundaries, emotional, sexual and spiritual.
By being aware of the varying degrees of boundaries that exist, you have the tools to self-reflect on the relationships you have in your life and decide where you stand. Do you need to create more boundaries? Do you need to loosen them up a bit more? Boundaries are the epitome of self-care and self-regulation - they're not there for anyone else but YOU!
Stay tuned later this week to learn about HOW to create healthy boundaries and changes you can make!
Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.
― Gerard Manley Hopkins
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