Men's Mental Health Awareness: Adam's Story

The following post is a shared story by a fellow YEG resident: Adam who talks about his own journey with mental health and what worked for him in his journey of healing. 

Hi, my name is Adam and I never thought 25 would feel so good. 

Hear me out on this. 

My confidence has always been slim to none. I genuinely thought people were joking when they would give me compliments. This is something that I've battled for a long time and let me tell ya, it doesn't help when your world comes crashing down. 

See, in the summer of 2012, my sister was diagnosed with a rapid form of bone cancer called osteosarcoma. Her battle lasted all throughout my senior year of high school and she passed away a month before my 18th birthday. I would say my mental health was decent after graduation but when she passed away on October 3rd 2013, I underestimated what grief can do to your mind. Once the shock of her dying had worn off, I was just numb. I thought I was fine, that I had fully come to grasp with it....in a mere 5 days... yeah not so much. Nobody tells you that when a family member dies young that your family will be on the constant brink of falling apart. Nobody tells you how you're supposed to find yourself while grieving. Nobody tells you about the deafening silence where laughter used to be. People tell you that in time you'll feel better and I agree with this statement. You do feel better as the days go by but you have to work for it. Working for it means recognizing that you are hurting and that you are not okay. For me, I didn't come to this realization until last year. 

Last year, my best friend of 22 years passed away very suddenly (within a week of finding out he had tumors in his lungs). You know the saying "the straw that breaks the camels back"? Yeah this broke the ever living crap out of me. This guy was like a brother to me even before my brother was born. I cried everyday for two months straight. I figured I had learned some lessons and that I needed to feel my feelings. So I let them out. What I didn't remember is that I needed to acknowledge that I wasn't okay. 

I didn't. 

Instead, I drank. I drank a lot. I looked at myself in the mirror of the BP's I was in one night and I was about ready to jump into traffic. I was not okay. I was in so much pain and the only way for it to stop was for me to stop living. 

Obviously this didn't happen. I had made a rather alarming post on Facebook because deep down, I knew I didn't want to die. Within seconds I had people calling and texting me. Also, I was with another best friend of mine at this time and he talked me down as well. Really, I had my episode at the best time because I wasn't alone. 

I owe a lot to my support system for keeping me here and for helping me get my life together. Fast forward a month and a coworker of mine helps me find what I wanted out of life and career. Fast forward another two months and I was in my first year of University. Something I didn't even think was in my reach. 

Therapy, acknowledging I wasn't okay, and open up to your loved ones about it. These three things are pillars in my recovery. It's not a cure for depression but it sure as hell can help. This all leads me back to the start of this blog post. My confidence. It's the highest it has been since I turned 18. I felt good on my birthday for the first time in 7 years. I'm finally content and happy with who I am, what I look like, and where I'm going. It hasn't been easy and it's still an ongoing battle but I'm here still. My family and friends taught my something important.

Life is beautiful. It took me awhile to see that but I hope you can see that too