Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Did you know November is Domestic Violence Awareness month here in Canada? A chance to talk about what it is and why we need to change our system to support survivors, increase education, and hold perpetrators more accountable.

Domestic violence is defined as any act of physical or sexual force, actual or threatened, in an intimate relationship. It can be a single act of violence or a number of acts forming a pattern of abuse. The behaviour is usually designed to gain control or power over another person.

Intimate relationships according to the Edmonton Police, is defined as a relationship between opposite-sex or same-sex partners. They can vary in duration and legal formality and include:

• current and former dating relationships
• current and former common-law relationships
• current and former married relationships
• Persons who are the parents of one or more children, regardless of their marital status or whether they ave lived together at any time.

While domestic violence can happen to anyone at any age, it is important to recognize that 68% of domestic violence survivors are women. Women age 15-24 present the highest rates of dating violence in Canada. 

One of the reasons it is important to talk about DV is that it is not alway observable through physical injury. Changes in behaviour, demeanour, and social relationships can also be signs we often miss. Many incidents go unreported and many of the households where DV occurs have children present.

What types of DV are there?

• Control: controlling behaviour is a way for the abuser to maintain dominance over their partner, There is a belief that they are justified and the resultant abuse is the core issue. This can include things like checking the mileage after the use of a car, monitoring phone-calls, choosing how one dresses, calling or coming home unexpectedly to check up on the person, invading the person's privacy, or controlling the children as a means to get to the survivor. 
• Physical Abuse: any physically aggressive behaviour, withholding physical needs, indirect physically harmful behaviour, or threat of physical abuse. 
• Sexual Abuse: the use of sex in an exploitative fashion or forcing sex on another person. Can be both verbal and physical behaviour: included but not limited to: exploiting a person who is unable to make an informed decision about involvement in sexual activity, using force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation for sex, laughing or making fun of another's sexuality or body, having affairs and using that information to taunt the person, withholding sex as a control mechanism. 
• Emotional Abuse: any behaviour that exploits another person's vulnerability, insecurities, or character. Such behaviours include degradation, intimidation, brainwashing, manipulation, or control. 
• Isolation: closely connected to controlling behaviours. Keeping the survivor from who they want to see, doing what they want to do, setting and meeting goals, and controlling how they should think and feel. Isolation often begins as an expression of his or her love for the survivor, with statements like "If you really loved me, you would want to spend time with me, not them." The goal is to eventually leave the abused without any internal and external resources. Self-isolation can also occur due to shame of bruises or other injuries. It can also stem from a fear of public humiliation. 
• Verbal abuse: coercion, threats, & blame used to embarrass or threaten the survivor. 
• Economic abuse: a way to control the survivor through manipulation of economical resources. 

What is Dating Violence?
Dating violence is any sort of physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse from a romantic/sexual partner. It happens across age groups and in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
Dating violence signs can include but are not limited to:

• Forcing you to have sex
• Telling you that you owe them sex
• Acting overly jealous
• Being extremely controlling
• Checking in on your constantly
• Putting you down
• Refusing to take responsibility
• Stopping you from using birth control or going to a doctor or nurse

What is digital abuse?

 More common with young adults and youth, it is a type of abuse that uses technology, especially texting or social media. Can look like:

• Repeated unwanted calls/texts
• Harassment on social media
• Pressure to send nudes 
• Using texts or social media to check up on you
• Demanding passwords to social media
• Demanding that you reply right away

What can be done?

With DV being so common, we are bound to know someone who may be in a DV relationship, or is teetering towards one. So how can we help make a change? 

• Know the signs. It can happen to anyone so knowing what some red flags are not only helps you look out for yourself but also look out for others
• Don't ignore it. Often times police hear the same thing: I saw/heard about it, but I didn't want to get involved. If you hear or witness a DV situation, call the police. You could save a life. 
• Listen. When someone confides in us about this listen without judgment and believe what they are telling you. It is so hard to first of all admit this, so hear them out. 
• Know your local shelters. Know where is a safe space for people and what numbers you can call discreetly when and if you are ready. It might not only help you, but even if you know someone- you could be their resource. Doing the legwork can take off some stress for them. 
• Raise awareness. Break the stigma around it and talk about it. No one deserves to be abused and it's never our fault. We can all make a change with just the small act of bringing awareness for all. 
• Check in on them regularly. 

Resources 

Edmonton Police
Canada Health
www.acesdv.org
Women's Health.gov
Domestic Shelters